For all the rest of you...
So I had a busy day, it alwasy is with AHG (shout out for NO AHG next year! YEAH)... anyway, I had a very busy day and I havent been feeling well with a very very difficult visitor present. I got home at 4:51 and laid down for a few minutes. At 5:30 Hubbie who was home a little early gently woke me up to see if I was okay...sweet of him right?
So I got up and we sat and talked for a few minutes, I had to get a present for tommorow and needed to go to a specific place so we decided to wait a little while and go once traffic died down. We also decided to eat out at Casa Ole to use up the last of the blessed coupons! So we finally left, ate our dinner and went on to the store.
Now long story to tell you this... I was quiet.
I never once since 4:51 raised my voice.
I spoke quietly, I answered only when I needed to.
I laughed and conversed with David and even the kids but I simply did it quietly.
David did correct the kids a few times and it seemed terse and loud and crass to my ears.
I know this is weird right.
I usually yell, not alwasy meanly I am just loud. I dont always go get the kids when I need them I yell though the house.... I AM LOUD.
Tonight I was quiet.
Tonight I was calm.
Tonight I didnt yell. I mean it is now 9:57 so for 5 hours and 6 minutes I have been quiet.
Dont you think I should feel calm inside?
Shouldnt I feel Gods peace washing over me?
Dont you think I should feel good because I KNOW I responsded kindly when spoken to... I did not raise my voice in anger in fact I didnt ever feel anger.
But I am not calm inside. My insides are still churning. I am anxious. I am fearful... I feel out of control.
This should be a good feeling but it is NOT.
Do you think I am simply out of practice?
1 comment:
That...or you are going to have a bad dream tonight and wake everyone up in the house at 2:30am yelling like a banchee.
Kind of like a volcano. :)
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