death...

Morbid. Yes, I know.

Do you know what your plans are for your own funeral?

I do.

I want to be buried in the CHEAPEST casket you can possibly buy. SAVE the money for the huge spray of flowers on top.. something VERY simply will do! Have people send money in lieu of flowers or at least make sure to take the flowers somewhere they can be appreciated.... don't leave them at the graveside. NO cremation! I gotta know my bones are dust in the Earth!

No big fancy headstone-- just enough so that you can find me to come visit.

DO not bury me in some fancy dress or stupid thing like that! I mean jeans and a polo work for me in life.. they will work for me in death! A little make up is fine, but NO more than I would in life.

When I was younger my grandmother passed away (my dads mom)... and she was my favorite! I mean she made me feel loved and like I was apart of the family--- sometimes I wondered at that young age with my family... Amy adn Brian seemed to fit, but I didn't. Anyway, when she passed away it was a really big deal for me. I missed school for a whole week. I remember being at the funeral and my best friend Suzy Johnson's mom MADE me go look at her--- she said it was disrespectful if I didn't! So I did. I remember her hair was all extra curly and she had on so much makeup that I could barely recognize her. THIS traumatized me. I mean to this day I resent that I had to go look at her. Gotta let that go soon! :)

Anyway, there weren't many deaths that touched me again until I was a grown up adn my great grandmother died. I did go "see" her also, but it took a lot and she was less made up--- PLUS I knew she would have liked being all dolled up and people looking at her! I faired much better as an adult.

So those were the only two funerals I have EVER looked at the person.

Until my husband grandmother died a few years ago that is... and I took the kids (this was their first funeral ever) up to see her if they wanted to -- which weirdly enough they all did. It wasn't as traumatic for them as it was for me... I don't know why it hits some people the way it does.

So three. That's it. I have been to a FEW other funeral but choose to stay in the back. Or I choose to not go. Disrespectful or not... that is ME.

So when I die... don't come if you are freaked out by "looking" or come sit in the back! I won't care! :0)

I am trying to be lighthearted when really this is such a serious conversation. People you need to be prepared. We don't know when death is coming. You need to have a plan and you need to have things organized. You need to know what your spouse would like, and you need to know what the next step is.

I for one KNOW that when I die... I want to be surrounded by my family and my real friends-- anyone else, I don't really care. When I die.. I want more joy than sadness, but you cant make people be glad! When I die... I want stories about me, but NO rose colored glasses-- tell it like it was. If I die before my kids are grown.. I want you to tell them the things I would tell them.. I want you to help them become the person God wants them to be...I want you to help Dave because Lord will he need it.

I also want when I die...to die in summer. I think maybe, just maybe your grief lasts a shorter time when life is growing and the sun is shining.. i think it lasts longer in the bleak winter, when all is grey and life is scarce. So if I could choose- which I can't, I choose all of this and it is written down for all to see---FOREVER.

Forever.. even unto death.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalms 34:18