An Issue of the Heart

So MONTHS ago I started reading GOOD AND ANGRY by Scott Turansky

and I HAD to put the book down for a while and truly meant to pick it back up but LIFE happened. But I grabbed it the other day and shoved it in my purse with the intention of reading in the car during art lessons. I didn't get to it but found it still in my purse on our vacation a few days ago...so I took the opportunity to read some more. Actually I RE READ all that I had read- for a reminder of course and I found out something about myself.


I am really bad about parenting. I mean I am just NO good at it.


I screw up. I fail. I feel guilty for failing. I feel guilty for feeling guilty and then guess what I feel guilty for feeling guilty that I felt guilt. GET THE PICTURE.

Do you feel that way? I mean I am angry that I GOT angry. I am depressed that I am depressed... or I am frustrated that I got frustrated. Then I am angry because the reason I got frustrated was legitimate. THEN I feel guilty for getting angry.

AND THE WORLD KEEPS TURNING.

STOP!

ANGER is not the sin. Anger is the GOD GIVEN EMOTION to tell me something is wrong.

STOP!

Look at the whole picture. Is your child being sinful? Can you use this moment to TEACH instead of stepping into the boxing ring?

YES, you can.

And as I continued reading I realized that I done it just earlier that evening.!

WE had been on vacation for two FULL, busy days. The hotel has a special story time at night, you gather around this stage and the "Pocahontas" type character comes out and tell you a story at 8:00 p.m. right before "bed". and SNOW falls from the ceiling and fills the "forest" with white sprinkles of happiness.

I was excited about story time- see the picture here. So we rushed back from our Rainforest Cafe eating EXPERIENCE in order to not miss the SNOW. As I told the kids in the car what we were doing... immediately the attitude, complaining, ugly, selfishness reared it's little head.

I was SOOO upset- and I said so. BUT after a minute I stopped. Dave dropped us off at the front and I just stopped. As the kids got out of the car I began calmly telling them a story.

When I was a little kid we went on vacation to Eureka Springs, Arkansas. We had a lot of fun. One thing we did was to go to a show- which is huge in Eureka Springs. The show was some comedy thing and I DID not want to go. I am sure, SURE I made it plain and clear that I was not pleased with the outing. PLAINLY CLEAR.

Well by the end of the show which I LOVED... I practically knocked kids down to get to the front to get Tator (the main character's name) autograph. My family has TO this day NOT allowed me to live it down.

SOMETIMES you like things you don't THINK you will like.

LESSON LEARNED.

My kids are really bad about having an non gracious attitude about events they don't WANT to do. I feel this is wrong because I think you should learn to participate even if YOU aren't getting something out of it. I feel like if you aren't having fun- help make it fun for someone else, or take the opportunity to learn something or just find a way to see the joy in whatever it is.. YOU KNOW POLLYANNA basically. See the good in things always.

So I finished up my story by telling them that I really wanted them to stop missing opportunities to find good in anything. To not sabotage the opportunity by having an attitude and miss what you could learn or what you could do for others. I mean if at the least they could tolerate the story time... just to see the wonder and amazement in a little kids eyes when the see snow--- think how that could give you JOY! Be happy for them.

I had stood up on the side the boxing ring and put ONE foot between the ropes but I backed up and STEPPED out of the ring. I made it a discussion. I empathized with them. I talked to them. I shared my heart. I wasn't long winded... this happened in just a few minutes. BUT all three of my children by the end had willing hearts to stay for the show.

Well we got to the show and it was all young kids and I gave them the choice to leave and do a different activity-- Kate and Matt asked Emily what would she rather do and she said arcade so we did just that! But their hearts were right.

IT wasn't about me WINNING the round- and them seeing the stupid show by George. It was simply their heart.

I reached their heart and it was like a tiny hammer knocked a little piece of hardness off and it allowed GOD to work in them!

I was a good parent on this night.

I was a good parent.

Now I will screw up a thousand more TIMES!!!! But today I have no guilt in the way I handled this situation. I have no anger or frustration at ME or towards the kids. I feel peace. I feel hope. I feel joy. I feel good--- like a tiny hammer knocked a piece of hardness off my heart and allowed GOD to work in ME.


And that is a good day.