An issue of the heart...

Okay, so for those of you out there that read parenting "how to, or better yet, how not to" books... here is one for you! I am dealing with certain issues in our life right now and in order to get a hold on the situation early on I am trying to really press in and find a way to solve these issues. I find solving issues hard. I mean seriously, who doesn't want to ignore stuff and hope it goes away.

Um Not me, I was just kidding.

No really, I am a deal with it kind of person. I might deal with it badly, I might not accomplish what I set out to do and I have even been known to make a situation worse, BUT deal with it I will...

So without making this situation worse, or dealing with it badly and hopefully accomplishing what I set out to do.. I bought a book.

Well I bought a bunch of books, but this is the current one!

I bought this book at the National Center for Biblical Parenting Seminar at the Sethsa Conference.  I had a wonderful talk with Debbie Bryan who led the talk.  I went to her class because I know that the problems we are having parenting our kids have to deal with heart issues.  I know that if I don't reach their heart then the behavior is not going to change, or at least not change long term.

So I started the book yesterday. 

THIS. IS. HARD. STUFF.

We have to change OUR heart issues.

One quote out of the book...

"Sin causes people to gravitate toward selfishness, and unchecked selfishness turns into patterns that then become the routines that dictate how a family interacts."

The part of the book that talks about routines in our daily life really got me.  I always think of a routine as how we get up in the morning, how the day goes, or you get into a routine of going to the library on a certain day of the week...

This book took routines to a whole other level.  In routines they included how situations are dealt with.  For instance, if you tell your daughter to go to bed, and she fusses, and y'all "chat" about it for a few minutes and a consequence is dealt out... THIS IS YOUR ROUTINE.  We think it is a kid not going to bed but it is the routine that has been established for bedtime.

Another instance is you ask your daughter to do the dishes, she whines "why me?' and you reply, "your a part of this family..." yada, yada, yada. Then the daughter whines some more and IT IS ON.  This is the routine when you ask your daughter to do something.

I want better routines. 

I do not want to enter the boxing ring with my kids.

I do not want to drag my kids into the boxing ring (which is what I tend to do).

I do not want to continue in this pattern.


The books is mostly dealing with anger- both in the child and adult.

One things that strikes me is how they talk about anger as an emotion.  It is an emotion given by God for a reason.  It is simply an abused and misused emotion. 

"Anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them."

Anger itself is not bad, it is a good emotion to have, if it is kept in check and it is used the way God intended.

The Bible says, "Be angry and sin not." It doesn't say to NOT be angry.  Eph 4:26
The Bible says,  "be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to grow angry."  It doesn't say to NOT be angry. James 1:19


I am angry and I sin, I am not slow to speak or slow to grow angry.  I have completely misused this emotion and passed it on to my kids!  I am so saddened by this, but from this point I am attempting to change so I pray that I can change how they view the emotion of anger and how they choose to use it.


One of the questions at the end of the first chapter is...

Read Galatians 5:22-23.  Which Fruit of the Spirit do you find most helpful for you when you work with your children?  Which one do you wish your children possessed more of?  What can you do to help develop it?

My answers are:

I wish I had self control.  I think if I had more self control.  I could keep my self in check therefore demonstrating gentleness and patience!

I wish my children possessed more love.  I say this because the assumption I am under is that love= respect and the more they have a loving parent who represents Godly attributes the more they will respect me and in turn want to obey.

TO develop more love in my children, I think that number one I have to be more loving.  I have to be more trustworthy of their affection.  I have to be a woman of my word, I have to as much as possible show my own relationship with God by MY fruits.


I want to be a wise and loving woman of God... not a fool.


Proverbs 29:11

"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."


And this is my prayer...help me GOD to keep my emotions under control and to use them in the way that YOU intended them to be used.  This will allow a great work to be done in me and also in my children's heart.