Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Today was such a great day! We accomplished so much! We had a good day! I have a post that I havent posted yet titled frustration and aggravation... that was definitely not today! We didnt wake up early but we did get started with our day as soon as we got up. Matthew began his Bible reading this morning... I didnt even have to remind him! We accomplished our morning chores and out for a full day of errands! We went to the library, the dry cleaners, the bank, Staples, Half Price Books, the post office, to get a hair cut, the Apple store, Target, Payless and HEB for grocery shopping!

WHEWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! I was never more than like 15 miles from my house! YEAH!!!

I got my haircut and it feels so good! I needed it so very, very badly! I always say I wont let it go that long but I DO!

We bought Dave a phone case for his new IPhone which is coming on Friday! He is so excited! We bought the case kind of as a surprise but I actually ended up calling him because there were so many different kinds! So it was a surprise to him but he wont BE surprised!

We didnt get home from our errands until after 6:45 and then I cooked dinner! Yikes. I am exhausted!

I also bought my newest organizational tool at Target. This is sooo exciting for me. I love buying organizational tool. Just the mere act gives me confidence and makes me feel like I am taking such a big action! So it is just a binder..but it is a very special binder! I tried to find a picture but I cant sorry! It is a big beautiful red binder! It has a place for files, it has a notebook for taking notes and it has a calculator and zippered pouch! I LOVE IT.

I will have an area for Household, Bills, Homeschooling, AHG, BSCH.

I have spent an hour just putting it all together! Did I say I love it!

I need organizational tools. I thrive with organizational tools. The only problem is that after a while I forget to use them! LOL!

WEll while it lasts it will be good...

Monday, June 15, 2009

Shouldnt there be...

Shouldnt there be a time in our lives when we are NOT struggling with an important decsion? I mean we muster through one problem and work so hard to get it resolved or to decide our course of action and it is hard work! But it seems as soon as we are through with that and see the light of day, here comes another struggle! I want to just live for a while, I want to just do and just be! I am tired of struggling so much to make a decision! Especially when I probably know the right decision and the struggle is actually following through!

So Dave and I are working on a few of our conviction lately... some of which came about about after the imfamous Sethsa conference.

Some of those convictions are:

what activities the kids will be involved in

What area's do I need to be involved in

and What areas does the family as a whole need to be involved in.

Now these are really tough choices. for one thing they are fluid (that is not the best choice of words but what I mean is the circumstances change and therefore the answers to the question changes.)

What is right in one stage or season of our lives is different from other stages and seasons! So we try to figure our what each person needs and what we want for each person and plan accordingly. My problem is that I try way to hard to FIT all of us into one mold. For instance Kate is our artist, not really Matt and Emily... so Kate needs to be in an art class not Matt and Emily. So even though it is an activity that Kate should be involved with, it automatically involves the rest of us because of time and money commitments. I have to count the cost!

AHG as a program seems beneficial. I believe that the girls can learn a lot and I am using my skills as a leader and Matt is socializing. But given the ENORMOUS time involved and cost... is it right for our life right now? There are other problems with AHG but I dont feel like discussing them yet.

BSCH... this is a hard one. Before I have done this basically as a service and because I got what I needed out of it. Also there was the tiny issue of no one else stepping up! I dont mean to be selfish about it and I really did pray to meet others needs but it did not feel like a ministry, it felt more like a service. I am more at the point of it feeling like a ministry. Now of course I already talked about our Planning meeting and wondering what course people want to take for the new school year but for me at this point I am looking at it as a service situation--- but as a service TO others. Meaning want to serve them not just fill a particular need. I dont feel as though I made that point very clear but lets move on anyway!

Church... I had a long discussion the other day with someone about churches and why we are or are not currently going. This is a big, huge gray area for me! Number one I really want hubbie to take the lead and he isnt. He will follow my lead anywhere but I want him to take the lead on this topic. So we have tried a number of different churches and none have fit what we believe we need right now and we are still looking, but for instance we were supposed to visit a church on Sunday and hubbie just didnt do it. I do not want to take the kids by myself but I suppose it will come to that. Now dont get me wrong if I got up and had everyone dressed and ready he would get up and be dressed and ready but I do enough parenting...! (btw... Hubbie reads this and knows all this already) So the situation puts us in a situation where there is zero forward movement. Yes we are stagnant! So I guess we need to work on that or I will end up toting kids to church myself! Very frustrating.

Finances... we have come to terms with the bills for the house, meaning we are very capable of meeting and paying those bills. It took a while to make sure how all that would work but I feel confident right now that we can. My problem is not with bills it is with the misc fund! I just plain spend to much on other misc items. Mostly fast food or eating out! I make menu and shop and have food available I just dont seem to be home to cook it or for instance our air conditioning was our some of last week and it was TOO hot to cook here! Now this is a problem I can solve I just have to make that happen! I have to reign in the belt, I have to be more serious with my time and my schedule. I have to be a better planner! I know that I can, I have certainly done it in the past but I just have to jump back on the bandwagon! But all our activities and situations also wreak havoc on our finances. I need to make good decisions so that we have money for art, gymnastic, extra gas for getting to things, field trip, vacation, etc. See how it is all intertwined!

And there are of course many other activities that we have to decide if we will be involved it...

Looking towards courting group
outside Bible study
classes during the school year
extra curricular church classes
volunteer work
play dates

these are just a few examples. I am tired of just joining because. I want a reason, a plan! Not for every single minute or every single activity all the time! But a general route. We are getting to "x" and which of the activities will push us on our way and which ones are just complete detours. Are some of the detours worth it? How often do we change the route? Each persons Map looks a little different but I do not always plan our activities accordingly.

What do you do to decide about being involved in an activity???

Friday, June 12, 2009

Okay it is 5:14 in the morning

Now you might need to know why that would be the title of post, but I want to make it clear in my memory when I actually said this so that I can remind myself!

I do not think I am doing a great job raising my kids.

phrewww I said it! I know we all think it but do we say it! Do we talk about all the mistakes, all the mishaps along the way, about everything we did the wrong way or everytime we said the wrong thing! NO. We dont, why not? I mean shouldnt we LEARN from each other's mistakes? Shouldnt we try to not do whatever the other person did to mess it all up?

Truly though I dont think it would help all that much to hear everyone else's mistakes! Because we all make our own mistakes...

My current mistake is............ drumroll.


It is me. I am the mistake. I am too hard on them. I do not have enough grace and the times I have grace are probably the wrong times! (have you ever had that feeling?) I have a bad attitude- although the kids get in trouble for having a bad attitude and I can be downright mean.

Now I have the "in my defense" paragraph all planned out BUT I am not going to use it! I am going to delete that paragraph because I have no defense honestly! It is all my own fault and I HAVE TO CHANGE. My response to my kids behavior is my own choice. It is all up to me!

I dont want to be this way and I do catch myself doing it and sometimes I shift gears but other times I stand there with that angel on one shoulder whispering in my ear but the devil is apparently louder because even when I see myself acting that way I still dont stop! Seriously! This is ON ME! I have got to pull it together!

So I am working on how our day runs right now and we have started up quiet time again! We do it every now and then still but not every day and we NEED to do it every day! It is imperative in my opinion. We all need a quiet time each day! so that will be helpful. I have also (not very nicely) managed to let the kids know that I really, really, really do want to BE LEFT ALONE IN THE BATHROOM! I finally screamed it and now they are I am sure scared to come near the bathroom door, but I had had enough and let them have it. I did apologize and try to explain that I felt I had asked nicely A LOT of times and that I really, really did need them to just let me go pee pee by myself! So hopefully this will set it and will be one less daily (hourly) problem!

I am also of course trying to better and change myself. I know it wont be overnight but still I have to really work on it! Now dont think I havent worked on it before I have but I REALLY have to buckle down on myself! I want to be different and I want my kids to see a difference. The problem is that I could me nice mommy for weeks and then if I am mean mommy one time that is all they seem to remember! That is frustrating to me because I dont know if they know how hard it is to be nice sometimes! I mean when I am fighting them, you know the struggle for obedience- I just get worn down and I get irritated! Who doesnt? But not everyone is as mean as I am when they do! I am sure that some people are but not everyone and it doesnt matter what anyone else does anyway, I want to be different.

I want to be nice mommy- but more than that I want to be good example mommy! I want to be do what I do AND say Mommy! Right now I am not that person!

Anyway else feel that way????

Here are some scriptures that I am meditating on...

Proverbs 31:26-31 "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive , and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. *

Proverbs 14

“People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm.”

Proverbs 22
“Don’t make friends with people who have hot, violent tempers. You might learn their habits and not be able to change.” (24,25)

II Cor. 10:4-5 - "(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) (5) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exa!teth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

Pray. 15:1 - "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."

Sunday, June 7, 2009

olive oil...

I know weird post title, but I got your attention didnt I~

I went to the SETHSA Home school conference this past Thursday and Friday. Conferences are a time for information OVERLOAD, they are a time for encouragement and sharpening and they are a time for buying lots of cool stuff! Well this year I got it all, I got information overload, I got encouragement and lots of sharpening and I didnt actually buy anything but I found lots of cool stuff to buy!

I heard speakers I had heard before... who I love and respect but I also had the chance to sit in on some new speakers. My favorite OR possibly lease favorite was David Hazell. He is the found of My Fathers World and has very successfully home schooled 6 children. I went to his workshop titled, What every Christian needs to teach their children in the 21st Century. I sat down in the chair, settled in for his talk and he began speaking... HE TOOK MY IDEOLOGY AND TORE IT TO SHREDS. I just sat there stunned. I didnt really understand what I was hearing for a while but he made some VERY valid points. Dont get me wrong, I didnt agree with him 100% but he made some really, really valid points! I bought the CD of the workshop because I felt like I needed to hear it again and I wanted Dave to hear it of course. I also went to another workshop he gave which was titled, Blending unit studies, classical education and Charlotte Mason all into one. Another very good workshop but still I felt raw when leaving!

So the other workshops I went to I heard a lot of the same line of reasoning- not because I think every workshop holder has the same idea but because God was trying to get a message to me! I really felt convicted and God brought that same line of reasoning to me again and again! It even happened twice when just talking to vendors out in the expo. So like I said at the end of the two days I felt raw, I felt slightly more defeated than when I got there but in a very different way! Does that make sense?

Okay onto the olive oil... yet there is a reason for the title! I also went to a workshop give by Hank Tate (a very important person in home schooling around these parts! He and his wife were instrumental in the beginning days of home schooling and they started Sethsa (South East TExas HOme Schooling Association). Anyway, the workshop was for support group leaders. Becky and I went hoping to gain some valuable information to take back to our support group. I learned a lot! I am feeling good but I am also feeling like we might not have a support group for long. ---Brenda or Jennifer I know you are reading this prior to hearing like the rest of the group, but understand I am blogging my personal thoughts :)
What I mean by that is I dont really know if the majority of our groups wants a support group... I think they just want a play group. I have wonderful, great and big ideas for a support group but I dont wanna run a play group. I dont want to take the time away from my family, home making, home schooling etc for a play group.
I want to HELP home schoolers. I want to support the moms, I want the moms to support each other. I want to actually be a support group- I just need to finish defining what I think that is and see if anyone in the group agrees! Or at least design the type of support group that most people agree on! So between now and June 29, which is when we have a moms planning meeting for the group I am hoping to really pray and get ready for the meeting. There has already been a lot of change in the group and I dont think people are ready for more change but as the group grows, we have to change and grow with it! It really cant be helped... so sorry back to the olive oil. Hank Tate said during one really trying time in his life with some groups he lead the Lord showed him about olive oil. Olive oil has medicinal properties, it is the best product, the best part of the olive! what do you have to do to GET olive oil. You have to press and squeeze it out of the olive. The olive is crushed in order to make the oil but the final product is pure and good! So we too are put through the crushing. Now I know Hank Tate didnt come up with this I know that the Bible talks about this concept but when Hank put it in the context of leading the support group, my eyes were opened! Just as God is pressing and squeezing me HE is doing the same thing to the support group! It was a very enlightening time for me!

So all in all the convention was good and good came from it. I am still mulling over some things I am being convicted about, I will get back to you later about them!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Hello all

So this week has been only slightly busy and not really fruitful so that is not really good! Technically I am not complaining because I got to chill out
quite a bit. We started out shopping for Kate's new swim suit on Monday. This is not an easy task... have any of you shopped for a modest suit lately??? On top of actaully wanting a modest suit was trying to find a suit that FIT. We wanted a nice fit, a young look but still modest and that equals hours of shopping and a head ache! But we found one and she loves it and feels good in it and Daddy approves (he approves all the girls clothing) so we are good. I didnt know we needed a new bathing suit in time to put it in our budget so it came out of misc. which was short this month for a variety of reasons SOOOOOOOOOO that equals being really short because a bathing suit that fits, is nice and is modest ISNT CHEAP! Okay onto other topics.

We had more disasters in math this week SO we are taking a break. I am going to let her play computer games and do some or our neuro work for a few weeks, in the mean time I will research and decide if I will go with Math U See or stick with what we have and just slow it down. I am stressing and she is definitely stressing so we are STOPPING. Just a little break! I was very discouraged and in talking it over with hubbie I kindof got over the disappointment and just felt better to have a new plan! So that is good.

Emily is balking at reading again...... I know how much she can adn cant do but every few weeks she "forgets" how to read... like the word it or at, or maybe she "forgets" what the letter e says. I KNOW she doesnt and she is just pushing my buttons so of course I get frustrated but the new plan is BRIBERY! We printed out the Chuck E cheese reward charts for reading so it is working for now, she actually brought me something to read today!

We finished a really good book on the Alamo- it was slightly told from both sides which I thought was neat. It was very graphic for a kids book but it really told the story.. for instance it will say something like - the smell of death lingered in the air as much as the smoke from still smodering fires, bodies lay in piles around the courtyard, etc. It was graphic but you felt like you were there in a good way. I know that sounds weird but it works for us. My kids do not really like gore by any means and the book WAS NOT full of gore but it was just graphic enough to truly get the picture. We also learned what happened later in the lives of the -people who survived the Alamo, Susanna Dickerson and her daughter Angelina in my opinion did not live very good lives when all was said and done, I wonder if they just never got over it? Also Enriquez Esparaz (sp) he seemed to live a normal life but he never had a conversation about it with a reporter until like he was 80 years old! We are going to work on a diaroma of the Alamo next week.

We read some more of Old Yeller- the kids really like it but I am DREADING when they find out what happend!!! They are SSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not going to be happy with me!

So here is a thought... I am all about rules. I will follow rules 99.9 % of the time, I read coupons, if a sign says do not bring food in ( I will not sneak it into my purse) you get the picture... I like to follow the rules. So my thought is how do you feel about double dipping- no not in cheese dip! Summer Reading Programs! Do you simultaneously work on each program reading different books or do you use the same books for each program? If the rules do not state to not use in connection with another reading program then you are not breaking rules but seriously isnt that just assumed? I am on the fence about this subject!

I am going to a home school convention tommorow. Usually I would have planne, replanned and replanned again all the seminars I would be listening to. I would have option a, b and c lined out and relined out! I would have maps to all locations and fire exits highlighted on my sheet!!! But I've got nothin! I mean I did go over some of the classes tonight but I have NO IDEA what I will actually be doing at 9:00 in the morning! That is totally UNLIKE me! I am BLAH! I think I really want to go and I am very, very sure that I will learn things and get encouraged by the speakers. Also there is just something special about being surrounded by like minded people ( of course it is just home schooling we are like minded about- and even in that we differ GREATLY) but still there is a comradarie!

I guess that's all folks, I must sleep so I can leave my house at 7:45 for the conference I have no plans for yet!