Okay it is 5:14 in the morning

Now you might need to know why that would be the title of post, but I want to make it clear in my memory when I actually said this so that I can remind myself!

I do not think I am doing a great job raising my kids.

phrewww I said it! I know we all think it but do we say it! Do we talk about all the mistakes, all the mishaps along the way, about everything we did the wrong way or everytime we said the wrong thing! NO. We dont, why not? I mean shouldnt we LEARN from each other's mistakes? Shouldnt we try to not do whatever the other person did to mess it all up?

Truly though I dont think it would help all that much to hear everyone else's mistakes! Because we all make our own mistakes...

My current mistake is............ drumroll.



NOTHING NEW~ I JUST HAVE NOT APPARENTLY REALLY REALIZED THAT IT IS A MISTAKE SO I KEEP MAKING IT!



It is me. I am the mistake. I am too hard on them. I do not have enough grace and the times I have grace are probably the wrong times! (have you ever had that feeling?) I have a bad attitude- although the kids get in trouble for having a bad attitude and I can be downright mean.


Now I have the "in my defense" paragraph all planned out BUT I am not going to use it! I am going to delete that paragraph because I have no defense honestly! It is all my own fault and I HAVE TO CHANGE. My response to my kids behavior is my own choice. It is all up to me!

I dont want to be this way and I do catch myself doing it and sometimes I shift gears but other times I stand there with that angel on one shoulder whispering in my ear but the devil is apparently louder because even when I see myself acting that way I still dont stop! Seriously! This is ON ME! I have got to pull it together!

So I am working on how our day runs right now and we have started up quiet time again! We do it every now and then still but not every day and we NEED to do it every day! It is imperative in my opinion. We all need a quiet time each day! so that will be helpful. I have also (not very nicely) managed to let the kids know that I really, really, really do want to BE LEFT ALONE IN THE BATHROOM! I finally screamed it and now they are I am sure scared to come near the bathroom door, but I had had enough and let them have it. I did apologize and try to explain that I felt I had asked nicely A LOT of times and that I really, really did need them to just let me go pee pee by myself! So hopefully this will set it and will be one less daily (hourly) problem!

I am also of course trying to better and change myself. I know it wont be overnight but still I have to really work on it! Now dont think I havent worked on it before I have but I REALLY have to buckle down on myself! I want to be different and I want my kids to see a difference. The problem is that I could me nice mommy for weeks and then if I am mean mommy one time that is all they seem to remember! That is frustrating to me because I dont know if they know how hard it is to be nice sometimes! I mean when I am fighting them, you know the struggle for obedience- I just get worn down and I get irritated! Who doesnt? But not everyone is as mean as I am when they do! I am sure that some people are but not everyone and it doesnt matter what anyone else does anyway, I want to be different.

I want to be nice mommy- but more than that I want to be good example mommy! I want to be do what I do AND say Mommy! Right now I am not that person!


Anyway else feel that way????

Here are some scriptures that I am meditating on...

Proverbs 31:26-31 "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive , and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. *




Proverbs 14

“People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm.”


Proverbs 22
“Don’t make friends with people who have hot, violent tempers. You might learn their habits and not be able to change.” (24,25)


II Cor. 10:4-5 - "(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) (5) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exa!teth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"


Pray. 15:1 - "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."