Not heartbreak but something akin...

I learned some news last night that is so close to heartbreak that I don't know if it is or not. I feel sad, I feel helpless and I feel disappointed.

How can you be so angry at a persons actions and choices but yet love them so much it hurts that they are hurting?

People are human... I get that.

People make bad choices... I get that.

But why people make some of the choices they make astounds me.

My heart is so confused.

My heart is so overwhelmed.

My heart is so sad.

My heart is well I guess it is broken a little.



But I have hope.

I. Have. Hope.

Is that an end stop if you ever knew one.

I. Have. Hope.



I know this situation CAN be turned around. I know the choices can change. I know the heartbreak will mend.


Here are the verses I am standing on right now: 

Being punished isn’t enjoyable while it is happening -- it hurts! But afterwards we can see the result, a quiet growth in grace and character.
                                                                                                                              Hebrews 12: 11



And we will never stop thanking God for this: that when we preached to you, you didn’t think of the words we spoke as being just our own, but you accepted what we said as the very Word of God -- which, of course, it was -- and it changed your lives when you believed it.

                                                                                                                        1 Thessalonians 2: 13


Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from you own experience how his ways will really satisfy you.
                                                                                                                                 Romans 12: 2

The River

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores
And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
It has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance that tide
And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
With the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all
And I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Lord, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Yea

The River--- by Garth Brooks




I really, really, really like this song! I know it is old, but it is so full of meaning for me! People who say country music is all bout leaving, drinking and boozing hasn't listened to a whole lot of country!

My river, my journey whether it be my Christian walk, weight loss, homeschooling, wife hood or parenthood... I have to CHOOSE to step off the shore and actually get on the boat. Sometimes hubbie and I have this issue where he seems Unplugged from family life. Maybe it is when work is to stressful, maybe it is just his personality, maybe it is his way of coping with stress... whatever it is I just KNOW that I am glad when he plugs back in! What I have come to realize is that I UNPLUG too! I didn't know that. I can always see when he does it. It is very noticeable to me! But the whole plank in your own eye!!!!! I unplug too!

Some days even though because we home school and my kids will literally be with me 24/7 all the time, I find there are days we don't talk. I mean I might give out chores, we might even do school I will automatically say yes or no to their wishes, probably pretend to laugh at a joke and or pretend to be interested when they show me a special cocoon or Lego module they have built.

BUT I AM NOT THERE.... I don't know where I go? But I am not plugged in. I am simply going through the motions. I don't think I realize how often I must do it although I am more aware now!

So all that to say this...

I want to choose each day to NOT stand upon the store... I want to get up on that vessel each and every time. I want to trust that God is going to get me where I need to go that day! No matter the task, no matter how weary, no matter how stressed, no matter what!

I am choosing to sail my vessel. So if I catch myself unplugged or sitting on the shoreline I will have to will myself to get on board!

Of course with God as my captain... how could I steer wrong???

Fat is Fat.... but something is something!

On my weight loss journey... because it is definitely a journey, although I am still not sure of the destination! Which I am soon going to figure out!

Anyway, with weight loss it is a lot of wait and see, well if you haven't noticed waiting takes patience and will power... IF WE HAD MUCH PATIENCE OR WILLPOWER WOULD WE BE FAT??? I am just saying!

Joy, pain, fear, anxiety, sadness hopefully turns to determination, desperation, patience, and self control.

But this road is LONG. This road is painful. This road or at least my road has many, many detours!

But alas I am still on the road, maybe off the beaten path a little but still heading in the general direction!

So I read a blog post the other day and it struck me... visualization is VERY important in my weight loss journey. I need to SEE myself as thin. I need to see myself as healthy. I need to see myself as worth it. I need to see a goal. I need to see a truth. I need to see a difference.

VISUALIZATION.

Now I don't mean any new age mumbo jumbo! I just mean things like this post @

Eclipsed Escaping the Shadow of Obesity

It is so true.  Something is SOMETHING! 

In another blog it talked about a women who had lost weight and someone asked her about the weight loss.  The person said, lose it,   I didn't lose any weight.  The person asking the question just stared at this woman WHO HAD LOST 60 POUNDS!  The person replied... what do you do when  you lose your keys... YOU FIND THEM AGAIN.  I don't want to find this weight again.  I didn't lose it, I REMOVED it. 

SO TRUE!  It is all about the way you look at something.

But something is something!  Either we are removing 1 lb or we are removing 10 lbs.  Removing is removing!

So I have up to this point removed about 17 lbs.  I think I gained about 3 back during one of my off the beaten trails times but that is okay!  At least I didn't gain it in addition to NOT removing the 17 lbs!  Right!

When the Mean Girl tries to Come out in ME!

a post from I Courage, it is a VERY good and timely post for my personally.

For all those readers out there...

I am starting this post of with a ******* Warning************ sign, if you are a reader of Twilight or a vampire series... you might not want to bother reading this as I have obviously a difference of opinion than yours.

YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED... :)

Okay, I do not get this whole Twilight phenomena. I get teen girls loving the characters, I get the books might be well written, but I do NOT get all these Christians having anything to do with them. I never understood the Harry Potter series either! I just do not understand it. I cannot fully put into words my true feelings on this subject but it falls in the category of parents supplying alcohol for teenagers, parents allowing girls to wear bikinis and Dads taking boys to Hooters for lunch. So you might understand if you are opposed to such things how emphatically I feel about this. Now anyone who knows me KNOWS how I feel about Harry Potter and I assume they know how I feel about Twilight also but I think Twilight has gone farther towards the dark side.

I understand that there might be a discrepancy in how I feel about magic since I do allow the children to watch some Disney shows and we went to Disney World for goodness sake. I have clearly stated that I have always felt on the fence about them and have gone back and forth on actually allowing the children to watch them! I have been wishy washy. I try to assume that there is a line and I just try not to cross it but I NO longer feel that is it. I would like you to know that Dave and I have had many discussions on this subject..  we believe that most of it is the authors heart.

JK Rowlings claims to be a Christian, but stated clearly that she  wanted no moral overtones in her book... explain to me WHY?   I mean a book that got into public schools as THE MUST READ, the series that have graced nearly every child on Earths bedside table... why no moral undertones? Why not an allegory? Why not a put your faith and TRUTH and God in every page, in every crevice, in every word that pours into those children's ears? Why? That disturbs me. JR Tolkien wrote an allegory FOR A REASON. CS LEWIS wrote and allegory FOR A REASON! These books were meant to define the Christians walk in this world as much as Pilgrims Progress was. They did not hide their Christianity?..

Why did JK Rowlings?

Back to Twilight...Stepanie Meyer is a Mormon- which I know has a whole set of rules and regulation! She says she never watched any vampire movies or watch r rated movies but that the theme and story for the book came to her in a "VISION". That in itself is disturbing to me alone! She chose vampires that are touted to be demons basically and to be bitten by a vampire means to now are infected by a demons blood.. I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I HAVE JESUS BLOOD RUNNING THOUGH ME. Right? Bella sister is practically a psychic. This is the same as having a demon sitting on your shoulder whispering in your ear. Bella doesn't seem to have any sense of God or the eternal since she is willing to give up her soul and thinks that is okay. Do you want your daughters thinking that... any thing is worth giving up for TRUE love.

This is what Twilight has brought us.  Is this what you want for your daughters? 

It just drives me batty! ( NO PUN INTENDED!! 

 I mean I work so hard to teach the girls purity, modesty, honesty, Godliness and this is what Kaitlin sees at the store the other day!  All the while Lady Gaga is playing over the loud speaker! 

Cant all the Christians mom stick together... I mean I don't want to live in the town where Footloose was filmed but really, really close!  I can teach my children to love those who are wrong or sinning without excepting the sin itself.  I can teach what true judgement is verses LOVING EVERYBODY without allowing their sin to be good or okay.  I mean loving a gay person is not the same as saying God made them that way!  Loving a teenager who is having sex outside the bounds of marriage or has had an abortion is not the same as telling her there isnt a consequence for those actions.

I digress.

I simply to not understand the phenomena.  I am honestly, I am mean truly astounded at some of the women I have heard or been told by that they read this series.  I get that I can be seen as a hypocrite  because having nothing to do with evil is having nothing to do with evil so if The Little Mermaid is using magic.. what is the difference. Well for me and my household.... it has come down to this.  The authors world view, the authors heart.  I mean Hans Christian Anderson wrote the Little Mermaid and Disney took some license.... Hans Christian Anderson was supposedly a Protestant but had many questions about God that showed in and though out his many works.  He used "the evil sea witch" to show evil in the world and how often we are tempted by such evil, as he was.  He was not without flaws apparently even tried to get away from the church but was said to constantly be battling his religion and never quite getting away from it.

Anne Rice who wrote the Vampire Chronicles said after she came back to Christ after 38 years in the darkness that she could NO longer write the stories about vampires, witches and psychics.

She says to not expect any more of those books because "she cannot redeem those creatures, she can not bring them into the light, the land where the sun shines- literally. And where the light of Christ shines."  She says she is no longer the person she was when she wrote them- an atheist.

Doesn't this say something important about books of that nature.  When a an author of like 27 previous books with witches, psychics and vampires says she will no longer write those books because they CANNOT LIVE IN THE LIGHT with her... she means they are evil.  right?

Okay, for now my rant is over... if you read it and didn't like what I had to say please keep in mind that I am allowed my own opinions, I do not mind dissenting opinions but I am perfectly entitled to my own.  I do not judge you for reading the books, you make your own choice but I DO absolutely judge the content of the books and the authors viewpoint in which they wrote it.  I do wonder if we just choose to do things because we like it or if we really, truly give thought and prayer to our decisions?    I believe the world is so full of traps that are pleasant and give us great feelings but that we must constantly be vigilante against such traps.  I have recently become aware of such a trap in my own life and I am working adamantly to change that part of me that I feel has been lax on awareness of what is right and wrong.  I pray and I think and Dave and I talk and we are always trying to make the best decision, I am sure that we are not always consistent or right, but usually our heart is trying and when we see wrong we Do try to change it.

Thanks for listening!

Japanese Festival

A few weekends ago we went to the Japanese Festival in Houston. It was wonderful. We had been a few years ago but this was much bigger! It has really grown a lot! We enjoyed seeing the dancers, the artists and of course enjoying some food! We did not try the Octopus balls! I was too chicken, plus they were $5.00 which is a lot to spend for me to try them! The Japanese Garden is BEAUTIFUL! We had the chance to watch a full tea ceremony! It was long and the ladies microphone did not work well so I did not understand everything she was saying about this history but just watching the honor, respectfulness and poise of these ladies was amazing! We hope to attend more festivals this spring, summer and into the Fall, we love all the learning experiences!!!

A post from another blog on WHY I HOMESCHOOL... great read!

Another blogger, Shannon, posted this on facebook. It is a link to a new blog that is now in my favorite read list! Please go and read this post if you have ever truly wanted to know WHY I home school and my words have not been able to get across to you! Her words do.

Road Schooling Ryans

Wrapping up

A lot of people are writing blog posts about wrapping up the school year...but we dont wrap up the school year, we school all year long. We dont take 3 weeks here or three weeks there, we just keep going. We do however inadvertantly take a lot of days off! But we are always learning! I dont think of school time as a part of my day... we school all day long! I am teaching math and history and english and science but I am also teaching character and training them in so many different areas! I like to think of ALL of that as my schooling. I have friends who put their school books away and they are done! In our household we decided to make homeschooling our lifestyle.

Ways that it is our lifestyle...

what we are studying is hopefully intergrated into our everyday life. The books we read, the movies we watch the family activities we choose to do... these all revolve largely around what we are studying.

Our Bible, memorization, scriptures, etc revolve around what my children are currently dealing with. We dont just use a curriculum to get though it. We try to intergrate it into our daily lifes. If my kids arent being loveing... we start memorizing verses about being loving. When my kids were having trouble being attentive, we used that for our Character trait.
If we have trouble with lying... we read a Bible story that teaches a lesson about that. I can change and manipulate my curriculum to what is happening in each of my kids lives.

I find this an amazing blessing. There are those people who say..."Oh I could never home school like you do.. I dont have the discipline." but if they only understood that it isnt about SCHOOL. It isnt about book learing anyway! It is about so much more!

It is such an amazing, amazing blessing and opportunity! I am so thankful to God and my husband and even my family that home schooling is available to our family! I am so thankful to the men and women in Texas who have fought and contiue to fight for our rights here in this great state! I will forever fight for this right. I will do whatever I am called upon to do, in order that I can continue to homeschool my children in the way my hubbie, I and God decide!

For my and my household... home schooling isnt a decision we made having to do with my kids education. It is a lifestyle we have chosen.

I am making changes in our schedule that will allow me to live out this lifestyle! I am excited about this... so I guess our wrap up of the year is that as the end of the "school" year comes up and activities come to an end we will not be back next "year". We will no longer be participating in American Heritage Girls- although it is a wonderful program. I will be narrowing my participation in our local home schooling group... we will still be involved but just LESS. We will even more carefully pick and choose our field trip and outside involvements... so that we will have plenty of time at home and doing what we need to do to accomplish OUR GOALS!

I will post more about our specific goals in a later post... Today we are going camping! Post about that later too!!!!!

BusI

Rabbit Lapbook

We worked on a rabbit lapbook with Mary Faith.  We read the Velveteen Rabbit and Peter Rabbit and found out so much about rabbit!  We did sequencing with things from the garden!  We counted by 3's with carrots.

We did mazes and colored!  We learned about pet rabbits and rabbits in the wild.  It was a great lapbook!

 

Trying something new...

If your one of those people who remain calm all the time, you will probably NOT understand this post. If you are one of those moms who do not raise thier voice, you will probably NOT understand this post. If you are one of those people who do not suffer from anxiety, you will probably NOT understand this post.

For all the rest of you...

So I had a busy day, it alwasy is with AHG (shout out for NO AHG next year! YEAH)... anyway, I had a very busy day and I havent been feeling well with a very very difficult visitor present. I got home at 4:51 and laid down for a few minutes. At 5:30 Hubbie who was home a little early gently woke me up to see if I was okay...sweet of him right?

So I got up and we sat and talked for a few minutes, I had to get a present for tommorow and needed to go to a specific place so we decided to wait a little while and go once traffic died down. We also decided to eat out at Casa Ole to use up the last of the blessed coupons! So we finally left, ate our dinner and went on to the store.

Now long story to tell you this... I was quiet.

I never once since 4:51 raised my voice.

I spoke quietly, I answered only when I needed to.

I laughed and conversed with David and even the kids but I simply did it quietly.

David did correct the kids a few times and it seemed terse and loud and crass to my ears.

I know this is weird right.

I usually yell, not alwasy meanly I am just loud. I dont always go get the kids when I need them I yell though the house.... I AM LOUD.

Tonight I was quiet.

Tonight I was calm.

Tonight I didnt yell. I mean it is now 9:57 so for 5 hours and 6 minutes I have been quiet.

Dont you think I should feel calm inside?

Shouldnt I feel Gods peace washing over me?

Dont you think I should feel good because I KNOW I responsded kindly when spoken to... I did not raise my voice in anger in fact I didnt ever feel anger.

But I am not calm inside. My insides are still churning. I am anxious. I am fearful... I feel out of control.

This should be a good feeling but it is NOT.

Do you think I am simply out of practice?

What the heck kindof pizza is that???

So last night I did something that is EXTREMELY rare in this Thompson household, as soon as Dave got home I pretty much took myself off to bed!  It was like 6:30 but I got in bed and that was that!  I did watch a movie on Netflix and Dave brought me some warmed up leftovers but after that I was down for the count!  So anyway... being bedridden as I was, I was completely unaware of what food was being fed to my children outside the confines of my bedroom!

This moring I woke up and went to scrounge for breakfast... I opened the fridge and lo and behold COLD PIZZA!  Jack pot!

I opened up the pizza and seriously I was like WHAT THE HECK?

M&M Pizza! 

A budding artist...

We are using the Story of the World 3 and we are pretty close to start of the book and Mary Queen of Scots... so an artist that be are learning about is Rembrandt. We read a biography on him and looked at many of his paintings. So my kids had an assignment to paint or draw like Rembrandt. He is an artist known for his self portraits or portraits of real life people so Emily decided to draw Kate. Kate willingly posed for her and it took about 30 minutes with all the giggleing I think!

So here is Kate posing, I too the exact veiw that Emily was seeing.

And here is Emilys art work...

I was pretty impressed!

My sweeties!!!