I took my kids to Sagemont VBS, it went really well regardless of the sheer volume of children there! The church has a series of parenting classes for adults to attend while the kids are at VBS. I of course decided to attend! So anyway, the first of these classes is a classes called Things you can do to really mess up your kid...
1. Put them first.
I felt when I read this that they meant if you did this that a child would grow up to be selfish because everything had revolved around them but this was not the thought process of the teacher. The teacher said that If a parent continually puts the child first, leaving all the parents needs out that a child is taught to undervalue himself because he saw you undervalue yourself. Now this is not the Oprah methodology where MOMS take HOURS for yourself you deserve it! This was simply go to the doctor, get a haircut, love your husband, don't allow your child to interrupt you, got to the gym and take care of yourself. I found this fascinating... but true. I do "give" up things for my children, every mom does! But I know my children have seen me buy things for my hobbies or get haircuts, I take time for my husband and I try not to allow the kids to interrupt-
It basically says that teaching your children to undervalue themselves breeds a generation of martyrs, it breeds codependent people and they themselves cannot not establish healthy relationship with boundaries.
What was that book on boundaries that was so popular? hm mm????
VERY INTERESTING...
What do you think?
2. Don't dismiss your child's feelings.
Now I am usually pretty good at this but still feel I fall short. I remember my dad telling me when I was in trouble to stop crying. I remember thinking, you cant just tell a person to stop crying - it was how I felt! Now I have said to my kids I will talk to you when you stop crying, I have told Emily to stop crying, but generally when she is faking it! Which is often!
I try to validate their feelings, I am dramatic and very emotional and know I have passed that on to my kiddoes (Did anyone else notice???)
Or when they tell us they are angry have you ever said, "You are not supposed to feel that way." It is a feeling, they cant help how they feel, they might need to work it out. The Bible doesn't say do not be angry, it says be angry and do not sin! Feelings are feelings. Telling them they aren't supposed to feel that way induces guilt and shame and they may stop coming to you in the future.
3. Now here is the kicker...
The best way to mess up your child is to teach him to depend on himself.
I thought and thought, well I assume they don't mean how to feed himself or go potty, they must mean teach them to depend on God. Well the teacher did but he took it a step farther.
He explained that the very common phrases, "YOU CAN BE ANYTHING" or "YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO" are basically lies. I just sat back and listened and low and behold he is right. Some people just cant be something. A kid can work as hard as he wants to for as long as he wants and if his brain isn't what it needs to be he will never be the greatest scientist in the world. A kid can dream and believe and train but the likelihood of him becoming a world champion basketball player is very, very small. A child can be told, "You can be anything you want, but it just isn't true. WE ALL HAVE LIMITATIONS. The whole reason for unfolding the truth of this vicious lie we have been sold is this... Let's talk to God about it.
Let's pray that God shows you the path HE has for you.
Lets depend on God.
Lets pray for His guidance everyday so that we accomplish HIS will.
Let God put HIS dream for you in your mind.
God made you and God has a plan for you.
Let God order our steps.
Our kid can want to be an astronaut but if it is outside of what God has purposed for him, it means very little. We need to train our children to depend on God. We cant lie to them and tell them they can accomplish ANYTHING. Yes they can do lots of things and accomplish many things but not anything. They need to accomplish what God has for them, they need their motive, their goal, their stamina, their push to be for God's vision and not merely their desire.
If God designed your child to be an astronaut than he can be one, he will have the brain capability, the eyesight, the lung capacity, the stomach for G's, a lack of claustrophobia etc.
So the lies isn't that your child Cant be anything if you have a problem not thinking your child can accomplish anything, the lie is that your child shouldn't be anything, other than what God planned for him!
All in all it was a thought provoking night...
Carrie in Texas...who hopefully hasn't messed them up to bad, yet.
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