Wednesday, February 22, 2012

When you are raising one who lies...

Do you have one of those?

A child who lies? It is not an easy task I must say. It is incredibly hard to raise a child who has formed a habit of lying simply for the fact that "grace" seems to fly out the WINDOW when connected with TRUST.

I know that is not how God views it, but from my purely humanistic parenting perspective... I have issue with giving grace when you have bold faced-- LIED to my face.

It bleeds into very area of our relationship--

Did you brush your teeth?  Yes.  WELL I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

Did you finish your math?  Yes, WELL I CAN'T TRUST YOU SO I HAVE TO CHECK FOR MYSELF.

I don't always every second of the day not trust but I will say that it is WAY more normal NOT to.

I cringe when I ask her Did YOU? and she looks hurt because I don't trust her...

I know "you made the bed now lie in it" but still GRACE.

But on the other hand...there are consequences for having such a habit... the BIBLE is full of verses on liars!

Anyway, we have had an issue with a lie here a lie there, and it is serious in my opinion and we have addressed the heart issue but have NOT reached the root because number one she is still doing it and number two last night she--well she took it to an all new level.

So I am crushed, hurt, sad, angry, mad, resentful, confused... pick an emotion.

We have formulated a plan for a punishment to fit the crime so to speak but it is not dealing with the root of the problem and it is THERE that I feel I am failing. 

It is in dealing with that ROOT that I am not reaching her. 

I understand it is often easier to lie.
I understand it becomes habit.

Oh what a tangled web we weave..... right.  It sometimes piles on after the first one and then you are just on the roller coaster for the ride-- until you confess!

But what to do??? How to reach out that ROOT and pull it out from the very deepest tendril... the one that is buried straight in the core of the heart and winds itself around and around everything....


yes. pray.

yes, punish.

yes, talk.

yes, remind.

yes, question and seek her eyes for a glint of uncertainty and once FOUND use that instance to remind her to flee from fast my pretty little one.

yes, grace. But yes, remember that trust IS an issue and as unfortunate as that is..... it is a consequence of such sin.

and then.... pray some more.


Suzanne said...

Oh, gosh. I'll be praying for you. And her. ((hugs))

Mommy of Two said...

I will be praying